Science Says Resting Bitch Face Makes You A Better Communicator

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Yes, you read that correctly. Resting bitch face means you are way better at communication. Ohhh…If I could only have a penny for every time I’ve been called a bitch, bossy, difficult, obnoxious, or simply being told that people wouldn’t like me because, well…my face 🤷🏻‍♀️

I couldn’t help but snort and spit out my coffee.

Because of your expression, people assume that you feel a certain way. Because of this, you have to learn to express your thoughts and feelings in a specific way. You can also assume the misinterpretation will be there anyway, so you might as well ask for what you want.

And today, I am encouraging  you to ask without apology.

Ask despite what your inner critic is telling you. Even if you fear you’ll seem bitchy or pushy, ask. Fear being laughed at? Ask anyway. Fearing rejection? Ask. Think you don’t deserve it? Ask anyway. And most importantly, ask when you feel you do!

I’m quoting a Huffington Post piece by  Jeena Cho here because I love how she explains what she writes. She says she does it for us just as much as for herself. I feel the same way, too!

When it comes to negotiations, women negotiate assertively for others –research actually shows that we aren’t bad at negotiating. We’re simply bad at negotiating for ourselves.

Don't ask where to sit, just sit down. -vanessa-coppes-v-and-co

So what’s the answer when it comes to negotiating for ourselves? Hannah Riley Bowles recommends we use a “relational account” — or a “think personally, act communally” strategy.

Using a “relational account” or “I-We” strategy involves asking for what you want while showing your counterpart that you are also taking their perspective into consideration. Here’s how it works:

  1. First, you want to explain to your negotiating counterpart why — in their eyes — it’s legitimate for you to be negotiating (i.e., appropriate or justified under the circumstances). Sheryl Sandberg says that in her negotiations with Facebook, she told them, “Of course you realize that you’re hiring me to run your deal team so you want me to be a good negotiator.” Sandberg wanted Facebook to see her negotiating as legitimate because, if she didn’t negotiate, they should be worried about whether they’d made the right hire.
  2. Second, you want to signal to your negotiating counterpart that you care about organizational relationships. After pointing out that they should want her to be a good negotiator, Sheryl recounts saying, “This is the only time you and I will ever be on opposite sides of the table.” In other words, “I am clear that we’re on the same team here.”

If we hope to make a meaningful impact in the world, we actually have to nail down asking and voicing exactly what we want and need. Despite the bitch face.

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