I hope you enjoyed the break. I know I did. Spent it mostly Netflixing and chillin’. Some days by a fire snuggled with my kids, or my dogs, or my husband, or all of them. It was fun and peaceful. Just what my soul needed.
It gave me time to reflect on the things that matter, how I want to continue to spend my time and energy, and how I’d like to tackle projects I had started and put on hold. Projects that fill my heart and that I will consciously pursue in the new year.
I hope you continue to join me on V+Co’s crazy journey. A journey that started with this blog of me telling stories about life, motherhood, business, and everything in between almost 11 years ago!
Here’s what you can expect starting next week:
- Marketing Mondays: Tips on marketing, social media, blogging, business.
- Trendy Tuesdays: Beauty, fashion, travel, lifestyle features.
- ETTWomen Wednesdays: My take on Women Crush Wednesday highlighting the amazing women from ETTWomen and the latest from our amazing community.
- Thoughtful Thursdays: A weekly dose of inspiration, motivation, thought provoking posts about life, business, motherhood. Real talk, from my heart to yours.
- Fabulous Friday TV: A video series where I interview amazing women, film from a fabulous place I think you should know about, or show you a product or service you should try.
Keeping to my current schedule, here’s today’s weekly post, enjoy!
3 Reasons You Keep Creating Chaos In Your Life
Before the holiday break, I had 2 very powerful conversations in my office. They both had to do with people who believe they are dealing with narcissistic personalities in their lives. As I gave my two cents, the phrase, “You keep creating chaos in your life,” repeatedly came to mind. It didn’t leave me, I came home to do my research and here’s what I found:
The narcissist will create chaos and turmoil on a regular basis (and on purpose) to keep you in a heightened state of anxiety. He/she will do this even when things are good – and especially when things are good – so that you least expect the kick to the curb. This is why the silent treatment always catches us off-guard, sending us into a tail-spin trying to figure out what happened. Creating chaos is one of the oldest narcissistic tactics in the book (next to the silent treatment, of course) and it is absolutely intentional.
Narcissistic chaos includes starting a fight for no reason at all. I know this one. I lived this one. I also survived this one. I hope you know that you can too. But the truth is that you need to understand why you keep creating chaos in your life. Wouldn’t elegance, ease, success and peace be more pleasant?
Take a look at these three reasons we tend to create chaos-filled lives. Can you relate to 0ne or some? It’s ok if you do. f so, commit to healing and moving beyond them. The reasons you may be keeping chaos around:
1. You speak power to chaos.
Words matter. Did you know that the written word actually holds power to affect how we think and how we act? According to anthropologists, our ability for complex reasoning evolved at the same time as humans developed language. This is because language provides us with a compass for advanced thought. And before we had language, we simply couldn’t think in the way we do now.
2. It’s your identity.
How we think of ourselves becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Once we begin identifying ourselves as unfortunate, struggling victims, it becomes hard to pull ourselves out of it. Chaos-filled realities reinforce our identity and the vicious cycle continues.
However, the “victim” identity isn’t the only one that keeps us in chaos. The “fixer” identity does too. Every “fixer” needs something to fix—so creating chaos and crisis is a must, who specialize in “saving or coming to the rescue”.
Acknowledge that you identify with being the victim, being the rescuer or both. Forgive yourself and let it go. Begin to see and feel yourself as someone who lives a struggle-free life and doesn’t get caught up in the chaos.
Practice compassionate detachment when those you love are feeling challenged. You can care without jumping (emotionally) into the chaos others are creating.
3. Success scares the shit out of you.
Own it. And guess what? You are not alone.
We all know failure, crisis and chaos very well. And the thing is…it’s so damn comfortable and familiar. If you dream too big, what could happen?
The answer is anything. Anything literally could happen. The truth is that you can’t create anything either unless you’re willing to jump, despite the fear.
I can only guarantee you this, whatever the outcome, it will surprise you.
Creating a life filled with what you want, begins with small actions you take today. Set an intention today. Make a commitment today. Whether we want to admit it or not, the chaos in our life is our creation.
The fabulous news is that if we created it, we have the ability to change it!