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Life

Good Friday 2022

I remember days when I used to pray to not wake up. I’d cry myself to sleep, hoping that the weight of the world would be lifted from what I believed to be a miserable life -until my faith was restored.
It took going through a lot of pain, slaying mental dragons, making peace with my past to be able to stand in who I am, to accept it and know that the only thing I can strive for is to do better.
Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I choose joy, happiness, kindness, love. To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices – I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.
“Good Friday is not about us trying to “get right with God.” It is about us entering the difference between God and humanity and just touching it for a moment. Touching the shimmering sadness of humanity’s insistence that we can be our own gods, that we can be pure and all-powerful.” Nadia Bolz-Weber
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Life

Keep On Keeping On Chicas

Sometimes you’ll have to swim upstream. Walking by faith is not always easy. There is always a lesson to be learned in all of it 🤗

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Life

Returning to OneSelf

First selfie of 2022 🤳🏽My son asked me this morning why I was so “dressed up”. If lipstick, concealer + mascara is all it takes -then hellz yasss 🤣

Truth is my soul is tired. Here’s why:

It is said that disembodied voice dreams may occur at any time but particularly when a soul is in distress; then the deep self cuts to the chase, so to speak. Bang! A woman’s soul speaks. And it tells her what comes next… if we do not come on our own, if we aren’t paying attention to our own season and the time for return the Old One will come for us calling and calling until something in us responds. Perhaps we have become too intense about something. We can become too worn down by something. We can be over-loved , under-loved, overworked, underworked… each costs much.

In the face of “too much” we gradually become dry, our hearts become tired, our energies begin to become fair, and a mysterious longing for —we almost never have a name for it other than “a something” rises up and up more and more; then we hear the Old One calls. 

That feeling of being torn, comes from hearing, consciously or unconsciously, something calling us, calling us back, something that we cannot say no to without hurting ourselves…

“…one night

there’s a heartbeat at the door.

Outside, a woman in the fog,

with hair of twigs and dress of weed,

dripping green lake water.

She says “I am you,

and I have traveled a long distance. 

Come with me, there is something I must show you…”

She turns to go, her cloak falls open,

Suddenly, golden light … everywhere, golden light…” 

Returning to OneSelf

Women Who Run with the Wolves

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Life

The 20 Questions Every Woman Should Ask Herself

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself how much you really know about….well, YOU?

I am not talking about your hobbies or your favorite shade of lipstick, I am talking deep…how well do you know your mind? Your heart?

Getting to know yourself is thrilling. It can be scary but if you’re wanting to live wholeheartedly, getting to know yourself is the only road there!

O Magazine recently released this roundup of essential questions which are so fascinating and real, I wanted to share them with you!

Now go ahead… play 20 questions with yourself:

  1. Do I feel at home?
  2. What should I try today?
  3. Am I doing this right?
  4. Am I smart?
  5. Am I funny?
  6. Do I have enough money?
  7. Do I have enough fun?
  8. Do I have enough friends?
  9. Should I be having more sex?
  10. Do I enjoy my own company?
  11. Am I waiting for my real life to begin?
  12. Do I feel my feelings?
  13. Do I really know what I think I know?
  14. Do I see myself as others see me?
  15. Am I ready for whatever comes?
  16. What is my blind spot?
  17. Am I overthinking things?
  18. Am I ignoring the obvious?
  19. Have I made peace with my past?
  20. What’s in store for my future?

If when you turn a corner you see a road of doors…please know that you can open ALL of them.

Here’s to knowing and loving yourself even more!

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Life

The 7 Cardinal Rules of Life

1. Make peace with your past so it won’t mess with your present.

2. Time heals everything, so give it time.

3. What others think of you is none of your business.

4. Don’t compare your life to others, and don’t judge them.

5. Stop thinking so much, it’s alright not to know the answers.

6. No one is in charge of your happiness, except you.

7. Smile, you don’t own all the problems in the world.

We decide who we are in this world not once but with every action we take.

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Life

Listen…

The quieter you become, the more you can hear. If you truly listen, the next message you need is right where you are.

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Life

Fairness

“Live so that when your children think of fairness + integrity, they think of you.” H. Jackson Brown Jr.

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Life

A Happy Life

A happy life is tied to goals, not to people or things. As Will Smith once said, “Money and success don’t change people; they merely amplify what is already there.”
Being happy is a daily choice. What are you choosing that makes you happy right now?
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Life

Make The Process Your Goal And The Dream Will Follow

The power of our minds amazes me. Mental perceptions become a part of who we are regardless of being aware of them or not.
They affect how we think, how we respond, and how we act.

They create our belief systems, our cultural mores, our philosophies and habits. And we carry suggestions over from our genetic heritage, from our culture, from our parents and other family members, from friends and enemies, and from what we have read, seen and experienced.

We carry suggestions from our environment and from all of the various institutions to which we are connected to directly or indirectly.

Many of us tend to overlook the importance of tapping into a deeper level of self perception.

I get it, it’s not your everyday conversation to discuss the challenges we face each day.  I am aware that you don’t get to work on Monday and say “Good morning (insert co-worker name here), how did you handle your fear of judgement this weekend?”… I agree: AWKWARD!

But here’s the truth, the more you avoid facing, discussing your challenges, the more you avoid reaching your full potential.

The truth is that those uncomfortable conversations, that purging of whatever it is you are struggling with, will only make room for abundance, growth and yes, success. Get this: personal development, self-growth IS NOT  self-absorption.

 “Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?…” 

Marianne Williamson
 

Here are 6 tips to get you on the Personal Development path:
1. Keep a Schedule:  It is a very good idea to write down what you have to do each day. As you complete them, check them off. However, don’t feel like you are bound to your list.
2. Take a Break and have Fun: If you spend too much time in front of the computer, at your desk, or doing whatever it is that your occupation requires, you should take a break. Try to make better use of your non-work time to do something fun. It will refuel you and help you get what needs to get done with a more productive attitude.
3. Be Generous: Generosity comes back. This does not mean only giving money; you can be generous with your smile, your advice, and as many of us here have, find a way to help others in your community.
4. Accept the things you can’t Change: When something bad happens in our lives, we try to fix or change them. Sometimes we can’t. This sometimes leads us to spend hours moping and falling into depression. If you accept the things you cannot change – you will be a happier person. Acceptance allows us to find ways to deal with these situations much faster.
5. Break the Chain: If you have patterns in your life, take a risk, try breaking them and do something different every day. Not only do you broaden your experiences of life, you open up doors for the future.
6. Face the Fear: Several years ago, I started living with a ‘Balls to the wall’ kind of attitude; doing something every day that I didn’t want to do – or felt uncomfortable doing. I know it’s different for everyone, but we all have small steps we can start to take towards facing our fears.
7. Live for the NowDon’t fall into the ‘would’a, could’a, should’a pattern’. You know… that list of things you’ve been meaning to do…GO DO THEM.

For me, the path to success was never attaining wealth or celebrity. It was about the process of continually seeking to be better, to challenge myself to pursue excellence on every level. The question I ask every day is the same as it’s always been: How much farther can I stretch to reach my full potential? What I know for sure is that it’s only when you make the process your goal that the dream can follow.

Oprah

Don’t wait for life to continue happen, grab it by the horns and live!

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Life

You’re Getting Older, But Are You Getting Wiser? 7 Steps Toward Emotional Maturity

Emotional maturity is defined as our ability to understand, and manage, our emotions.

Last week, on a radio interview, Deepak Chopra defined Donald Trump as being emotionally  retarded. To hear someone like Deepak speak in that way about someone else, really made me pay attention and think. It’s not what he said about Donald Trump that peaked my interest, but what he said about ‘the shadow’ -which is inside every single one of us. It made me zone in on my own emotional maturity and that of those I associate with.

I thought about the times I’ve been upset with someone else or with a current situation in my life. I’ve learned to seek to find the root of the discomfort and when the discomfort is with someone else, I tend to question their emotional maturity.

I’ve learned that it is unfair to ask another person to meet you where you are emotionally. If you’re in a disagreement with a person and emotions are coming into play, it is your job to disengage.

My father asked me to read “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman when I was in college. I have to admit not acknowledging its power then.

You see, having emotional maturity is what enables you to create the life you want. Your emotional maturity can be seen through your actions, what you say, what you speak about, your thoughts, and the people you surround yourself with. When faced with a conflict, your emotional maturity is one of the biggest factors in determining your ability to handle it and consequently, resolve it.

An emotionally mature person has experienced the spectrum of emotions. He/she understands what the consequences of each one could be and knows the benefits of being in control of them. To say, “I lost my shit over X, Y, Z,” is really a loss of control in  X, Y, Z emotion.

I’ve lost my shit over many things in my lifespan. But going back to Chopra’s statement about the shadow is that because it is in every single one of us, it’s our job to mend the relationship with our shadow. #MicDropDeepak

According to Phycology Today, here are 7 things you can begin to do to work towards your emotional maturity:

1. Be able to keep long-term commitments.

One key signal of maturity is the ability of delaying gratification. It’s to commit to continue doing what is right even when you don’t feel like it.

2. Be unshaken by flattery or criticism.

Sooner or later in life you begin to understand that nothing is as good or as bad as it seems. Mature people can receive compliments or criticism without letting it ruin them or sway them into a distorted view of themselves. They are secure in their identity.

3. Be humble.

Humility parallels maturity. Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself. It is thinking of yourself less. Mature people aren’t consumed with drawing attention to themselves. They see how others have contributed to their success and can even sincerely give honor to their Creator who gave them the talent. This is the opposite of arrogance.

4. Be able to make decisions based on character not feelings.

Mature people live by values. They have principles that guide their decisions. They are able to progress beyond reacting to life’s options, and be proactive as they live their life. Their character is master over their emotions.

5. Expresse gratitude consistently.

The more I seek to know, the more grateful I’ve become. Immature children presume they deserve everything good that happens to them. Mature people see the big picture and realize how good they have it.

6. Prioritize others before self.

I am a huge self-care advocate, but my personal agenda does not revolve just around myself. I understand that if others around me are well, I will be well too. Feeding into your ego is a sure sign of emotional immaturity.

7. Seek wisdom before acting.

Finally, a mature person doesn’t presume they have all the answers. The wiser they get the more they realize they need more wisdom. They’re not ashamed of seeking counsel from adults (teachers, parents, coaches) or from other sources. Only the wise seek wisdom.

Look to improve your relationship with your shadow and bliss will follow.

Emotional maturity begins with knowing that thoughts aren’t actions. 

Having a bad thought isn’t the same as carrying it out. Guilt doesn’t recognize the difference.  

—Deepak Chopra

How would you rate your emotional maturity? Test yourself HERE.

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