Vanessa Coppes

It’s not an attitude of arrogance or pride, but of congruence, you’ll keep loving them but with another perspective, from another level of understanding, understanding and awareness.

It’s the hardest thing you’ll have to do in your life, and it will also be the most important: stop being attached to those who aren’t ready to love you.

Stop having difficult conversations with people who don’t want to change.

Stop showing up for people who are indifferent to your presence.

Stop giving your love and energy to people who aren’t ready to love you back.

I know your instinct is to do everything you can to win the good thanks of everyone you can, but it’s also the drive that will steal your time, energy, and sanity.

When you start showing up for your life completely and completely, with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone is going to be ready to find you there.

That doesn’t mean you have to change who you are. It means you have to distance yourself from people who are not ready to love you.

If you are excluded, subtly insulted, forgotten, or easily ignored by the people you spend the most time with, you are not doing yourself a favor by continuing to offer them your energy and life.

The truth is, you’re not for everyone, and everyone isn’t for you. That’s what makes it so special when you find the few people with whom you have a genuine friendship, love or relationship: you’ll know how precious it is because you’ve experienced what it isn’t.

But the more time you spend trying to force someone to love you when they’re not able, the more time you’ll be depriving yourself of that same connection. He’s waiting for you. There are billions of people on this planet, and a lot of them are going to meet you on their level, with the vibration of where they are, connect with where they are going.

… But the longer you stay engulfed in the familiarity of people who use you as a pillow, a back-up option, a therapist and a strategist for their emotional work, the longer you stay out of the community you crave.

Maybe if you stop showing up, you’ll be less wanted.

Maybe they will forget you completely.

Maybe if you stop trying, the relationship will cease.

Maybe if you stop texting, your phone will stay dark for days and weeks.

Maybe if you stop loving someone, the love between you will dissolve.

That doesn’t mean you ruined a relationship. It means the only thing that sustained a relationship was the energy you and only you put into it. That ain’t love. That’s attachment.

The most precious and important thing you have in your life is your energy. It’s not your time that’s limited, it’s your energy. What you give each day is what will create more and more in your life. What you give your time to is what will define your existence.

When you realize this, you’ll start to understand why you’re so anxious when you spend your time with people who don’t bring you, and in jobs or places or cities that don’t suit you.

You’ll start to realize that the most important thing you can do for your life, for yourself and everyone you meet is to protect your energy more fiercely than anything else.

Make your life a safe haven where only people who can care, listen and connect are allowed.

You’re not responsible for saving people.

It’s not your responsibility to convince them they want to be saved.

It is not your job to show up for people and deliver your life, little by little, moment by moment, because you pity them, because you feel bad, because you “should”, because you are obliged, because, at the root of all this, you are afraid that you do not return the favor.

It’s your job to realize that you are the master or mistress of your destiny, and that you’re accepting the love you think you deserve.

Decide that you deserve real friendship, true commitment, and complete love with people who are healthy and prosperous.

Then wait in the dark, just for a moment….

… And watch how fast it all starts to change.

-Pauline Nguyen