Sam never disappoints Great things happen to those who don’t stop believing, trying, learning … he’s such a trooper
The business world has become much more relaxed over the years -and that’s a fabulous thing!
However -in some instances- it might not be as accepting as you think. While I am very much about being authentic, other people still make judgments on the basis of first impressions.
I am most definitely more about being the kind of person YOU want to do business with. It’s a karmic synergy and you’ll be more likely to attract more like-minded people to you and your business.
People looking to partner, hire, or buy from you will carefully dissect you if they are looking to engage and do business with you.
It’s what I like to call and am sure you’ve heard of: The KLT Factor (Know, Like, and Trust Factor).
The deeper the engagement or commitment at hand, the more they will want to know. It may not be fair (or even conscious), but some of our habits can trigger an adverse reaction.
So what do you do? Conscious reframing by doing your best to avoid them or correct them. Your success may depend on it.
Here are 15 Habits That Can Ruin a First Impression:
1. A weak handshake.
Handshakes in American society are still very telling. A solid handshake may go unnoticed or it may even send a jolt of positive energy. But a weak handshake may leave the receiver questioning your confidence and energy.
2. Inappropriate Attire.
So halter tops look great on you…AWESOME! But clothing that’s too revealing will get you attention, but quite possibly not the kind you want. Boring doesn’t equate to appropriate, neither does wearing a date night outfit. Choose a style that fits your industry and make it your own within reason. Few industries will welcome you in yoga pants.
3. Chewing gum.
You may like the taste and the motion, but chewing gum while meeting someone gives an impression of immaturity.
The great speaker Walter Bond said: “Confidence is arrogance under control.” Learn the difference and people won’t think you are a jerk when they meet you.
5. Sloppy clothing.
Shabby chic does not mean dirty. Your clothes should be clean and neat. You can tell the difference between intentional business casual style versus someone who doesn’t wash or iron their clothes.
6. Bad breath.
This one is tough because you may halitosis and not even know it. And the truth is, no one really wants to tell you. Most bad breath issues come from food or poor dental hygiene. The good news is that you can remedy both. Keep fresh mints handy for after meals and take care of your teeth and gums.
7. Excessive texting.
When meeting people, if you can’t stop looking at your phone, or responding, you will send a signal that you find no one more important than yourself. You seriously CAN last 15 to 30 minutes without knowing what your kids are up to. Be present in the moment, that has more value than you believe.
8. Body odor.
Like bad breath, you may be unaware, and people struggle with telling you. Solution? Take showers, use deodorant, and wash your clothes. Also, lay off the perfume. Aromizing BO only makes it worse.
9. Being intolerant.
The PC police is overrated at times but in truth, most people really don’t want to offend others. When you engage in the business world, you make a conscious choice to deal with people of all types. When you show people you are intolerant, it makes them wonder what’s wrong with you. By all means, create conversations, but be prepared to handle difference of opinions with grace. It can be done.
Men and women will likely never completely understand each other, but that doesn’t mean they have to be disrespectful. There are natural and distinctive masculine and feminine traits that can appear in either sex. Learn to deal with people as individuals and professionals, not based on their gender.
If you are always seeing the glass half empty, you are projecting that you are a difficult and dissatisfied human being. No one wants to work with an unhappy person. Decide to change the way you see things, because happiness IS a choice.
12. Self Rambling.
A good story about how and why you got started in business can always be entertaining. But when it turns into a continual droning about nothing but you, it will send others running for the door as soon as they can.
This habit can be entertaining among your friends, but in a first meeting it comes off as rude. Show people you are open and eager. You can eye-roll together once you have an established relationship.
14. Unkempt hair.
Hair is a highly noticeable way to show people how you see yourself. Styles that are modern and well kept will signal that you know who you are and care about detail. Dirty hair says you don’t care enough about yourself to bother.
15. Not listening.
Everyone wants to feel important and appreciated. Be the type of person you want to meet and take a reciprocal approach. Be the first to offer your focused attention.
Treat your new relationships kindly. No one needs to know about your bowel movements or relationship woes at the first encounter. Leave others wanting more; be the type of person you want to meet!
Any pointers on how you handle first encounters? Were these tips helpful? Please share if so. Would love to hear from you! Leave me a comment below!
So much work goes into planning a project, specially one where your delivery depends on the delivery from other people, when your actions or results depend on the actions of of others.
That’s why delegating can become grueling and quite frankly as an entrepreneur, one of the biggest struggles you may find yourself in.
Truth: You have to let others do what they do, so that you can do what you do.
It is impossible to be in 3 places at 3 different times and some interactions with others -positive or not- are what fuel this thing called life. In short, you have to be willing to roll with the punches.
You have to let others do what they do, so that you can do what you do.
There is a lesson in EVERYTHING. Believe me Chica when I tell you, in absolutely EVERYTHING you experience and you have to be open and willing to catch yourself when you begin to BS yourself. You are not the be all end all. You are not the only person capable of doing that task. BS’ing ourselves into think we are all things holy in our lives and business is the first thing we do when we let our EGO control us.
When you live with that shift in mindset, it’s actually incredible the many things you will be able to accomplish. I promise you!
So whether you’re on a personal or an entrepreneurial journey, I hope these 7 Ways to Call Yourself Out on Your Own Bull$#!t serve you as they have me:
- Listen to your gut. Even if it’s a tiny nudge or subtle whisper. It is God’s way of directing your ship and it is never wrong. The more you listen, the sharper you will become at weeding out the things and people in your life that do not serve you.
- When you’re feeling drained…unplug. Yes that means not checking your mobile device every 5 minutes. Reconnect with your spouse, your children, go for a walk, pray. Take at least 5 minutes to center yourself. If you do this every day, I promise you it will remind you of your why. And your why is what matters.
- Try and I mean really try to not take falling outs personally. Like Don Miguel Ruiz says, “Nothing others do is because of you.” NOTHING.
- Get over yourself. Not much more to say about that.
- Surround yourself with like minded people, specially those who aren’t afraid to call you out on your bullshit. Sometimes the path gets foggy and we need windshield wipers to help us see what’s ahead. Don’t be afraid to hear the truth from someone other than yourself. My business partner Lynette Barbieri and I help each other see things from a different perspective. Doing this actually helps you get over yourself (lesson #4) very quickly. When you’re too invested in any situation, it can be difficult to make objective decisions. So, don’t go to people who will tell you what you want to hear, rather go to those that will help you see the lesson.
- A written contract holds invested parties accountable, but at the end of the day your word supersedes. People will always remember the integrity in which you handled any given situation.
- Don’t be afraid to call other people out on their bullshit. Be that person others go to for clarity. The reality is that there is no gray area when it comes to the truth so, don’t be the one to dress it up for others. Nip it in the bud, throw the pity party and MOVE ON. There’s another opportunity waiting for them right around the corner which they might miss and you can help them see that.
Delegating doesn’t mean passing off work you don’t enjoy, it means giving others the opportunity to shine.
Let others do what they do, so that you can do what you do!
They affect how we think, how we respond, and how we act.
They create our belief systems, our cultural mores, our philosophies and habits. And we carry suggestions over from our genetic heritage, from our culture, from our parents and other family members, from friends and enemies, and from what we have read, seen and experienced.
We carry suggestions from our environment and from all of the various institutions to which we are connected to directly or indirectly.
Many of us tend to overlook the importance of tapping into a deeper level of self perception.
I get it, it’s not your everyday conversation to discuss the challenges we face each day. I am aware that you don’t get to work on Monday and say “Good morning (insert co-worker name here), how did you handle your fear of judgement this weekend?”… I agree: AWKWARD!
But here’s the truth, the more you avoid facing, discussing your challenges, the more you avoid reaching your full potential.
The truth is that those uncomfortable conversations, that purging of whatever it is you are struggling with, will only make room for abundance, growth and yes, success. Get this: personal development, self-growth IS NOT self-absorption.
“Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?…”
For me, the path to success was never attaining wealth or celebrity. It was about the process of continually seeking to be better, to challenge myself to pursue excellence on every level. The question I ask every day is the same as it’s always been: How much farther can I stretch to reach my full potential? What I know for sure is that it’s only when you make the process your goal that the dream can follow.
Don’t wait for life to continue happen, grab it by the horns and live!
Emotional maturity is defined as our ability to understand, and manage, our emotions.
Last week, on a radio interview, Deepak Chopra defined Donald Trump as being emotionally retarded. To hear someone like Deepak speak in that way about someone else, really made me pay attention and think. It’s not what he said about Donald Trump that peaked my interest, but what he said about ‘the shadow’ -which is inside every single one of us. It made me zone in on my own emotional maturity and that of those I associate with.
I thought about the times I’ve been upset with someone else or with a current situation in my life. I’ve learned to seek to find the root of the discomfort and when the discomfort is with someone else, I tend to question their emotional maturity.
I’ve learned that it is unfair to ask another person to meet you where you are emotionally. If you’re in a disagreement with a person and emotions are coming into play, it is your job to disengage.
My father asked me to read “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman when I was in college. I have to admit not acknowledging its power then.
You see, having emotional maturity is what enables you to create the life you want. Your emotional maturity can be seen through your actions, what you say, what you speak about, your thoughts, and the people you surround yourself with. When faced with a conflict, your emotional maturity is one of the biggest factors in determining your ability to handle it and consequently, resolve it.
An emotionally mature person has experienced the spectrum of emotions. He/she understands what the consequences of each one could be and knows the benefits of being in control of them. To say, “I lost my shit over X, Y, Z,” is really a loss of control in X, Y, Z emotion.
I’ve lost my shit over many things in my lifespan. But going back to Chopra’s statement about the shadow is that because it is in every single one of us, it’s our job to mend the relationship with our shadow. #MicDropDeepak
According to Phycology Today, here are 7 things you can begin to do to work towards your emotional maturity:
1. Be able to keep long-term commitments.
One key signal of maturity is the ability of delaying gratification. It’s to commit to continue doing what is right even when you don’t feel like it.
2. Be unshaken by flattery or criticism.
Sooner or later in life you begin to understand that nothing is as good or as bad as it seems. Mature people can receive compliments or criticism without letting it ruin them or sway them into a distorted view of themselves. They are secure in their identity.
3. Be humble.
Humility parallels maturity. Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself. It is thinking of yourself less. Mature people aren’t consumed with drawing attention to themselves. They see how others have contributed to their success and can even sincerely give honor to their Creator who gave them the talent. This is the opposite of arrogance.
4. Be able to make decisions based on character not feelings.
Mature people live by values. They have principles that guide their decisions. They are able to progress beyond reacting to life’s options, and be proactive as they live their life. Their character is master over their emotions.
5. Expresse gratitude consistently.
The more I seek to know, the more grateful I’ve become. Immature children presume they deserve everything good that happens to them. Mature people see the big picture and realize how good they have it.
6. Prioritize others before self.
I am a huge self-care advocate, but my personal agenda does not revolve just around myself. I understand that if others around me are well, I will be well too. Feeding into your ego is a sure sign of emotional immaturity.
7. Seek wisdom before acting.
Finally, a mature person doesn’t presume they have all the answers. The wiser they get the more they realize they need more wisdom. They’re not ashamed of seeking counsel from adults (teachers, parents, coaches) or from other sources. Only the wise seek wisdom.
Look to improve your relationship with your shadow and bliss will follow.
Emotional maturity begins with knowing that thoughts aren’t actions.
Having a bad thought isn’t the same as carrying it out. Guilt doesn’t recognize the difference.
How would you rate your emotional maturity? Test yourself HERE.
Have a comment? Would love to hear from you. Was this helpful? Please share 🙂
love how the universe works its magic! Just yesterday I was having a conversation with a client about blogging. Her main concern was about length, “Vanessa, do I really have to write these long-ass posts? BORING!”
My answer: Agreed. My experience has shown me that shorter is better for social shares, longer for engagement. However, it depends on your audience.
This morning I found research from the folks over at Copy Hackers that backs up my statement. I’ve summarized the most compelling data below. So, please…enjoy!!!
The burning questions:
- What works best?
- How long should your post be?
- And what should you keep in mind while creating content?
Why your content should be short:
If you’re going to build a content strategy that uses short posts to attract attention to your site, you need to do everything that makes short content successful online.
Keep it BRIEF.
Sites that do short content well have 5 things in common. To succeed with your own short content, make sure that it includes the following:
- B—Big Fan Base. Organizations with successful short content already have a massive audience. Posting quality content to a massive audience will naturally result in lots of shares. If you don’t have that many fans, there’s never been a better time than now to start posting great content regularly and building your list.
- R—Remarkable Content. Each of these sites shares content that you won’t find anywhere else. It’s information that awes and inspires. Short posts (especially those under 300 words) face an uphill battle when it comes to SEO. So, if your short content isn’t worth talking about, it will get lost.
- I—Images that are Eye-Catching and Compelling. You’re competing with a billion other web pages. Without a great picture, your short content doesn’t stand a chance.
- E—Every Day (Or Close to It). Successful short content is posted consistently. Followers and fans expect it and look forward to it. Posting every day has the advantage of maximizing the opportunities for followers to see new content every time they go online.
- F— Focused on a Single Idea. Each post is about one thing and that one thing only. It’s s single idea that readers will think is worth sharing. Focus is critical for short content.
Getting noticed with short copy is difficult. If your content doesn’t have these five characteristics, it will struggle to find an audience and earn shares or links. Short content has a short shelf life. Which means your audience may talk about it today but tomorrow, they will need new BRIEF content or they’ll disengage.
Why your content should be long:
You used to be able to post a short, 500-word article about something and your content stood a chance of appearing near the top of the search results. But then came Google’s Panda update and it took aim at “thin” content.
Suddenly SEO experts were telling clients not just to create better and longer content, but also to remove all content less than 300 words from their sites.
An easy way to improve your thin content is to make it longer, but should you?
- Long content keeps interested readers on your site longer.
- When done well, long content it helps communicate that you are an expert on the subject.
- Long content gives you an opportunity to shape the world and educate.
Long content is more difficult to write and ideas that can be easily expressed in a few hundred words suddenly become bland when stretched to 2K or more words. It’s literally like turning a short story into a movie.
Use your WORDS
If long content is so great, why isn’t there more of it? It takes a real strategy for long content to do well.
If you are ready to create long content for your site, then make sure to use your WORDS. Here’s how:
- W—Well Researched. If you’re going to write a long post, include plenty of examples, case studies, and other information that will interest your readers. Great long content should be based on more than one or two sources. Do your research before you sit down to write.
- O—Outstanding Content. Whatever content you produce, it won’t stand a chance compared to millions of other sites unless it’s truly fabulous. If your content triggers an emotional response like anger, awe, or anxiety, guess what? You’re golden! This kind of writing is more likely to earn shares and links from your readers.
- R—Regularly Posted. You don’t need to post long content every single day. Or even several times a week. But you do need to post on a regular basis. The more you post, the more likely you are to succeed.
- D—Designed to Encourage Reading. Long content without paragraph interaction won’t get read or shared. Many readers scan your content looking for the part that answers their questions. Make sure you’ve laid out scannable content.
- S—Substantive. What you write about needs to be big enough to fill 2K words without it turning repetitive or boring. That doesn’t mean you can only write about complicated subjects. It means you have to do your research.
So what’s the scoop? Long or short?
If you get the majority of your site visitors from organic search, you’ll want to write long content that gets ranked by the search engines.
Fact: 60% of all organic clicks go to the top three organic results. 75% of users never scroll past the first page of search results.
If you’ve garnered an audience that engages with you in social channels and your content is so amazing that it practically makes itself go viral, short content may be enough to get your prospects interacting with your brand.
Don’t know what works for you? Test.
Publish 12-15 compelling short articles on your site. Add another 12-15 researched long articles (like cornerstone content or skyscraper posts:
- Cornerstone content: When trying to rank well for the one or two topics that your entire site is built around, creating flagship content is your best bet. Whether it’s a tutorial about search engine optimization basics, blogging for beginners, or copywriting, a frequently asked questions page, or an inspirational mission statement, this content serves a vital function in creating a relevant, compelling, and useful cornerstone to build a site around. A cornerstone is something that is basic, essential, indispensable, and the chief foundation upon which something is constructed or developed. It’s what people need to know to make use of your website and do business with you. -Copyblogger
- Skyscraper posts: It consists of three steps.
- Find top performing content.
- Create better content than the current top performers.
- Try to get a bunch on people to link to your new content.
Once you’ve done this, analyze which posts perform better. Which posts get the most traffic? Which posts get comments or shares? Which posts keeps readers on your site? Which posts drive conversions?
The biggest takeaway here is this: Ultimately, your audience will determine the kind of content you create.
Confessions are truths about ourselves that heal wounds when spoken.
I moved to NJ from NY on April 21st, 2012.
Finally, my husband and I were moving to our new home! A home we had talked about, envisioned (literally on my vision board) and saved for for years. It was the start of a beautiful new chapter in our lives. Ready to raise our children in a community, with an actual backyard our kids and dogs could run and play in, a pool club only 1 minute away, blue ribbon schools: The American Dream.
We closed on the house 2 weeks after having Samuel -the baby. My store in Staten Island had finally found it’s groove after building it for 2 years and here I was in a state of shock, numb and in utter disbelief.
I had suffered from postpartum with my first son, I was doing everything in my power to not go through or put my family through that roller coaster again. Also, I was focused on the move, the new baby, my oldest son’s smooth transition -yet, I was in total limbo with my store. I had taken care of everything and everyone else, but I had not prepared my business for this move.
So you understand, when I started my business in 2009, it had literally become my lifeline. I was practically alone in Staten Island, my husband still works long hours and I had allowed overwhelm and insecurity, alienate myself from the world. My business had given me all that back, it forced me to get out of my comfort zone, meet new people, connect with women, etc. (my story is an interesting one, you can read more here).
This move, while anticipated and amazing, well, it was cramping my business. WTH was I going to do now?
I was back to square one here in NJ. With the exception of a few ladies I had met through networking, I knew nobody. For someone who is so “connected”, I remember sitting in my new workshop thinking: Fuck, I got nothin’!
Thinking about how long and how much work it had taken me to get my business to where it was and that I had to do that all over gain, pissed me off. So much that I shut it down. I would still go to networking meetings, I continued to foster my virtual relationships, but other than that…I was doing N.A.D.A.
I sat and thought long and hard about how to get myself out of this rut…I had to get new clients, I had to meet more women. My usual networking events were far away, the local ones S.U.C.K.E.D. (that’s a topic for another post) and this time I wanted to continue to build my brand, but I wanted it to have a strong impact in my community. Why? Because entrepreneurship and motherhood can both be very lonely and I knew that I could not be the only woman who was feeling as isolated as I did in this area.
So I did what any entrepreneur would do, and this is my confession: I got a J.O.B. (gasp). It was the kind of job that allowed me to meet women, everyday, with disposable income who wanted to look and feel their best. What’s that? Yeah, my target market. On top of that, I got a SICK employee discount, to good to pass up.
I had previous retail experience coupled with the years of networking and my makeup mastery (thanks Má for making me take that class) from day 1, I did really well! Customers where happy and having phenomenal sales allowed me to meet some pretty phenomenal people (buyers, brand managers, etc.). As time passed and although I was only there for 2 1/2 months (I wasn’t thrilled about a set schedule…entrepreneurship will do that to you), as an innate connector, I became friendly with those phenomenal people. They have since become huge supporters of ETTWomen’s mission.
I had of course prayed for direction and my gut told me this was something I had to do. In that 2 1/2 month period I met Lynette, my ETTWomen business partner, and if you’ve been following us, you know how much ETTWomen has grown and the impact we’ve made in our community. Most importantly, it has become a hub for connecting women entrepreneurs to each other, it has given women a much needed breathing space to grow and learn.
While getting a job felt like I had failed my business and myself, looking back on it today confirms ETTWomen’s mantra: Everything happens for a reason.
Do you have a #confession to make? Try releasing it. Not only does it feel really good 😉 you may just be helping someone else have a breakthrough in their life or business.
The Pope, Oprah, Steve Jobs, and so many more. I’m sure you’ve got a fab list of great leaders too!
Great leadership however, can be difficult to understand. Even great leaders have a difficult time explaining what makes their leadership so infectious and effective. But whether they can explain themselves or not, it is their actions and words that undoubtedly make their great leadership noticeable.
I’m fascinated by what makes people tick and wanted to know what behaviors or traits others thought were in the fabric of a great leader. Members of ETTWomen weighed in with amazing qualities they feel make up a great leader:
- “I think that Optimism is what makes a leader great. It is imperative that a leader have a positive mindset that they share to inspire others on their team and those they work with.” Valerie Ryan, IDLife
- “Great leaders always look to empower others, be it by education, guidance, or praise.” Mayra Betances, d&e Papel
- “I have been captain of cheerleading 3 times in my life, and coached for 10. For me it’s always about leading from example. You have to be what your subordinates aspire to be.” Janice Martinez Woerner, Jersey Girl Health and Wealth
- “Great leaders don’t make their family their excuse, they make them their reason to…succeed.” Renee Marshall-McKinley, Keep Yourself Smelling Sweet
- “A great leader listens to the individual and shares with them what they need to move ahead.” Susan Best Jones, S. Best Designs
- “A great leader is also a humble servant. When we can also be a humble servant, we show the art of support and team work through example.” Joanne Malley, JoanneMalley.com
- “A leader is someone who can easily communicate and delegate without feeling they have to be in control of everything. They help guide their employees and are happy to see their employees succeed.” Evy Havlik, Efficient Socially Savvy Media
- “A great leader motivates, inspires, empowers and encourages. A great leader does not run away from obstacles, passes blame or dwells on setbacks – but will say: let’s figure it out. A great leader is smart, resilient and energetic. A great leader is someone others are proud to work for and with!” Fran MacConnel, The Balanced Owl
Through the years, I’ve learned that great leaders foster an environment of symbiotic growth. They ‘get’ that ‘Team work, makes the dream work!” and most importantly, that another person’s success is their success too.
Great leaders welcome challenges, criticism, and different perspectives other than their own. They ‘get’ that an environment where people are afraid to speak up, offer insights, and ask good questions is more likely than not to be destined for disaster.
Great leaders aren’t born, they are made.