“I do everything for everyone all the time. I give and give and give. I never ask for anything in return. I try so hard to make everyone else happy. Why doesn’t anyone do anything for me? I never ask for anything, no one sees my worth…”
Does this sound like you? Are you always going out of your way to keep the peace? A long time a go, I know that this was me.
Those feelings don’t come from a mature, responsible, emotionally healthy individual according to Julia Kristina MA, RCC
In fact, being nice and giving, giving, giving all the time can make you feel cheated or mistreated when, other people don’t lay down their lives for you, especially if you feel like you’ve done a lot to deserve it.
Please, don’t misunderstand what I am writing. I’m a firm believer of the mantra, “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”
Yes, be considerate. Yes, be thoughtful. But when you only do or speak or act in ways we think other people want us to because we need them to think we are nice, is actually a complete disservice to yourself and them.
That behavior almost always leads to problems. Here are 3 reasons why:
1. Being too nice keeps you from having close relationships.
When we don’t speak up or show up as who we really are it actually keeps us disconnected and feeling lonely. No one can connect with you in an honest, deep, and meaningful way if you are not yourself. People thrive on connecting with people. REAL people. We want and need real. And yes, real sometimes can get messy, but it’s human.
2. Being too nice leads to a victim mentality.
I do everything for everyone all the time. I try so hard to make everyone else happy…blah, blah, blah! It takes courage to stand up and say, “This is who I am, this is what I need, and this is how and what I can and want to give.” That’s a better and healthier approach than keeping inventory about how many times you’ve been nice to others and/or feeling ripped off if other people don’t treat you the same way.
I am responsible for myself, and guess what? You are responsible for yourself. See how that works? If I want or need something, it’s my responsibility to let you know that. I can’t expect you to drag it out of me, and definitely not expect you to read my mind to see how much I think you owe me because of how nice I was to you. It actually doesn’t work that way.
3. Being too nice makes you a stranger to yourself.
When we navigate life trying to make everyone else happy and never consider our desires, we are rejecting and avoiding who we really are. It’s not always about you, but it’s also not ever not about you. There are times and places for both. If you never allow yourself to play an active and equal role in your relationships and in your life, you will never give yourself the opportunity to appreciate your true self. Turns out you might even realize that when you look in the mirror, you won’t recognize who you see.
So give this a shot: Practice being more genuine and authentic with others and yourself.
Practice sharing your thoughts, opinions, and ideas…and here’s the big kicker…do it even if some people may not agree with you.
Be kind to others, but also be kind to yourself!
Did you find this helpful? Please share! Do you have a question or comment? Please write me below!
Want to join the blogging fun?
Get a handle on your blogging.
Get COMPLIMENTARY access to my new Blog Like a Rockstar Virtual Community!
You’ll get tips, tricks, and opportunities to rock your blog, like the you are!