In Between

The Thing About First Impressions

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First impressions are the kiss of death. There’s science to back this statement.

Humans are built to size each other up quickly.

First impressions are influenced by a number of factors: facial expressions, tone of voice, physical appearance, and someone’s general emotional state.

We are nasty to others -women to other women especially- because we project our unwanted parts onto others (especially fear, envy, jealousy, suspicion, resentment, rage, anxiety or lack of self-esteem + confidence). We also do this because we haven’t learned the skills to recognize or change our behavior.

When we are disconnected from ourselves, our emotions and true needs, we can become narcissistic and oblivious to our impact on other people. It doesn’t enter our consciousness to even consider that we need to be an adult, to be reasonable, to be enquiring, and to celebrate difference.

So, when we foster that detachment, it’s no surprise that others will have the wrong (first, second, or even third) impression of who we really are.

Some things to ponder:

1. When you judge others without knowing them, you don’t define them. You define yourself.

2. Conversations have the ability to fix so many things -so many.

3. Sometimes people don’t change not because they don’t want to, but because they are detached.

4. Sometimes it’s your own shit that gives you the wrong impressions about others.

5. We are all a bad guy in someone’s story.

6. Life is hard sometimes. Your happiness + well-being is a daily choice.

7. You can develop the skills to recognize and change your behavior.

You can live with integrity. You can speak your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. Behave in ways that are in alignment with your values.

You can be the one who forgives first. The one who loves more.

The impression of who you are or aren’t to other people is not your cross to bear.

The question will ultimately be, does the impression you have of yourself match who you look back at in the mirror?

“Realize that only the ego thinks in terms of superior or inferior. At the level of being, you are above or beneath no one.” Deepak Chopra