Category: Life

First selfie of 2022 🤳🏽My son asked me this morning why I was so “dressed up”. If lipstick, concealer + mascara is all it takes -then hellz yasss 🤣

Truth is my soul is tired. Here’s why:

It is said that disembodied voice dreams may occur at any time but particularly when a soul is in distress; then the deep self cuts to the chase, so to speak. Bang! A woman’s soul speaks. And it tells her what comes next… if we do not come on our own, if we aren’t paying attention to our own season and the time for return the Old One will come for us calling and calling until something in us responds. Perhaps we have become too intense about something. We can become too worn down by something. We can be over-loved , under-loved, overworked, underworked… each costs much.

In the face of “too much” we gradually become dry, our hearts become tired, our energies begin to become fair, and a mysterious longing for —we almost never have a name for it other than “a something” rises up and up more and more; then we hear the Old One calls. 

That feeling of being torn, comes from hearing, consciously or unconsciously, something calling us, calling us back, something that we cannot say no to without hurting ourselves…

“…one night

there’s a heartbeat at the door.

Outside, a woman in the fog,

with hair of twigs and dress of weed,

dripping green lake water.

She says “I am you,

and I have traveled a long distance. 

Come with me, there is something I must show you…”

She turns to go, her cloak falls open,

Suddenly, golden light … everywhere, golden light…” 

Returning to OneSelf

Women Who Run with the Wolves

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself how much you really know about….well, YOU?

I am not talking about your hobbies or your favorite shade of lipstick, I am talking deep…how well do you know your mind? Your heart?

Getting to know yourself is thrilling. It can be scary but if you’re wanting to live wholeheartedly, getting to know yourself is the only road there!

O Magazine recently released this roundup of essential questions which are so fascinating and real, I wanted to share them with you!

Now go ahead… play 20 questions with yourself:

1. Do I feel at home?
2. What should I try today?
3. Am I doing this right?
4. Am I smart?
5. Am I funny?
6. Do I have enough money?
7. Do I have enough fun?
8. Do I have enough friends?
9. Should I be having more sex?
10. Do I enjoy my own company?
11. Am I waiting for my real life to begin?
12. Do I feel my feelings?
13. Do I really know what I think I know?
14. Do I see myself as others see me?
15. Am I ready for whatever comes?
16. What is my blind spot?
17. Am I overthinking things?
18. Am I ignoring the obvious?
19. Have I made peace with my past?
20. What’s in store for my future?

If when you turn a corner you see a road of doors…please know that you can open ALL of them.

Here’s to knowing and loving yourself even more!

1. Make peace with your past so it won’t mess with your present.

2. Time heals everything, so give it time.

3. What others think of you is none of your business.

4. Don’t compare your life to others, and don’t judge them.

5. Stop thinking so much, it’s alright not to know the answers.

6. No one is in charge of your happiness, except you.

7. Smile, you don’t own all the problems in the world.

We decide who we are in this world not once but with every action we take.

“Live so that when your children think of fairness + integrity, they think of you.” H. Jackson Brown Jr.

They affect how we think, how we respond, and how we act.

They create our belief systems, our cultural mores, our philosophies and habits. And we carry suggestions over from our genetic heritage, from our culture, from our parents and other family members, from friends and enemies, and from what we have read, seen and experienced.

We carry suggestions from our environment and from all of the various institutions to which we are connected to directly or indirectly.

Many of us tend to overlook the importance of tapping into a deeper level of self perception.

I get it, it’s not your everyday conversation to discuss the challenges we face each day.  I am aware that you don’t get to work on Monday and say “Good morning (insert co-worker name here), how did you handle your fear of judgement this weekend?”… I agree: AWKWARD!

But here’s the truth, the more you avoid facing, discussing your challenges, the more you avoid reaching your full potential.

The truth is that those uncomfortable conversations, that purging of whatever it is you are struggling with, will only make room for abundance, growth and yes, success. Get this: personal development, self-growth IS NOT  self-absorption.

 “Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?…” 

Emotional maturity is defined as our ability to understand, and manage, our emotions.

Last week, on a radio interview, Deepak Chopra defined Donald Trump as being emotionally  retarded. To hear someone like Deepak speak in that way about someone else, really made me pay attention and think. It’s not what he said about Donald Trump that peaked my interest, but what he said about ‘the shadow’ -which is inside every single one of us. It made me zone in on my own emotional maturity and that of those I associate with.

I thought about the times I’ve been upset with someone else or with a current situation in my life. I’ve learned to seek to find the root of the discomfort and when the discomfort is with someone else, I tend to question their emotional maturity.

I’ve learned that it is unfair to ask another person to meet you where you are emotionally. If you’re in a disagreement with a person and emotions are coming into play, it is your job to disengage.

My father asked me to read “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman when I was in college. I have to admit not acknowledging its power then.

You see, having emotional maturity is what enables you to create the life you want. Your emotional maturity can be seen through your actions, what you say, what you speak about, your thoughts, and the people you surround yourself with. When faced with a conflict, your emotional maturity is one of the biggest factors in determining your ability to handle it and consequently, resolve it.

An emotionally mature person has experienced the spectrum of emotions. He/she understands what the consequences of each one could be and knows the benefits of being in control of them. To say, “I lost my shit over X, Y, Z,” is really a loss of control in  X, Y, Z emotion.

I’ve lost my shit over many things in my lifespan. But going back to Chopra’s statement about the shadow is that because it is in every single one of us, it’s our job to mend the relationship with our shadow. #MicDropDeepak

According to Phycology Today, here are 7 things you can begin to do to work towards your emotional maturity:

1. Be able to keep long-term commitments.

One key signal of maturity is the ability of delaying gratification. It’s to commit to continue doing what is right even when you don’t feel like it.

2. Be unshaken by flattery or criticism.

Sooner or later in life you begin to understand that nothing is as good or as bad as it seems. Mature people can receive compliments or criticism without letting it ruin them or sway them into a distorted view of themselves. They are secure in their identity.

3. Be humble.

Humility parallels maturity. Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself. It is thinking of yourself less. Mature people aren’t consumed with drawing attention to themselves. They see how others have contributed to their success and can even sincerely give honor to their Creator who gave them the talent. This is the opposite of arrogance.

4. Be able to make decisions based on character not feelings.

Mature people live by values. They have principles that guide their decisions. They are able to progress beyond reacting to life’s options, and be proactive as they live their life. Their character is master over their emotions.

5. Expresse gratitude consistently.

The more I seek to know, the more grateful I’ve become. Immature children presume they deserve everything good that happens to them. Mature people see the big picture and realize how good they have it.

6. Prioritize others before self.

I am a huge self-care advocate, but my personal agenda does not revolve just around myself. I understand that if others around me are well, I will be well too. Feeding into your ego is a sure sign of emotional immaturity.

7. Seek wisdom before acting.

Finally, a mature person doesn’t presume they have all the answers. The wiser they get the more they realize they need more wisdom. They’re not ashamed of seeking counsel from adults (teachers, parents, coaches) or from other sources. Only the wise seek wisdom.

Look to improve your relationship with your shadow and bliss will follow.

Emotional maturity begins with knowing that thoughts aren’t actions. 

Having a bad thought isn’t the same as carrying it out. Guilt doesn’t recognize the difference.  

—Deepak Chopra

How would you rate your emotional maturity? Test yourself HERE.

Have a comment? Would love to hear from you. Was this helpful? Please share 🙂

do everything for everyone all the time. I give and give and give. I never ask for anything. I try so hard to make everyone else happy. Why doesn’t anyone try to do anything for me? I never ask for anything, I guess no one sees my value…”

Does this sound like you? Are you always going out of your way to keep the peace? Heck, I know that this was me at one time.

In a recent INC. article, Julia Kristina MA, RCC, explains that those sentiments don’t come from a mature, responsible, emotionally healthy individual. In fact, being nice and giving, giving, giving all the time can make you feel cheated or mistreated when, other people don’t lay down their lives for you,  when you feel like you’ve done a lot to deserve it.

Please, don’t misunderstand me. My mantra is: “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” Be considerate and thoughtful, but only doing or speaking or acting in ways we think other people want us to because we need them to think we are nice is a complete disservice to yourself AND them.

That behavior almost always leads to problems. Here are 3 reasons to understand why:

1. Being too nice keeps you from having close relationships.

When we don’t speak up or show up as who we really are it actually keeps us disconnected and feeling lonely.

No one can connect with you in an honest, deep, and meaningful way if you are not yourself.

People thrive on connecting with people. REAL people. We want and need real. And yes, real sometimes can get messy, but it’s human. This is certainly a choice.

2. Being too nice leads to a victim mentality.

I do everything for everyone all the time. I try so hard to make everyone else happy…blah, blah, blah. Anyone?

It takes courage to stand up and say, “This is who I am, this is what I need, and this is how and what I can and want to give.”

That’s a better and healthier approach than keeping inventory about how many times you’ve been nice to others and/or feeling ripped off if other people don’t treat you the same way.

I am responsible for myself, and guess what? You are responsible for yourself. See how that works? If I want or need something, it’s my responsibility to voice that. I can’t expect you to drag it out of me, and definitely not expect you to read my mind to see how much I think you owe me because of how nice I was to you.

3. Being too nice makes you a stranger to yourself.

When we go navigate life trying to make everyone else happy and never consider our desires, we are rejecting and avoiding who we really are.

It’s not always about you, but it’s also not ever not about you. There are times and places for both.

But if you never allow yourself to play an active and equal role in your relationships and in your life, you will never give yourself the opportunity to appreciate your true self.

Turns out you might even realize that when you look in the mirror, you are uncertain of whom you see.

So give this a shot: Practice being more genuine and authentic with others and yourself. Practice sharing your thoughts, opinions, and ideas…and here’s the big kicker…do it even if some people may not agree with you.

Be kind to others, but also be kind to yourself!

Did you find this helpful? Please share! Do you have a question or comment? Please write me below!

It takes very little time to find posts that will tell you about mindfulness, the power of positive thinking and/or the motivational mantras of highly successful people.

Truth: They only tell half of the story.

What happens to the many people who read those stories and instead of being inspired, they come away feeling even worse than they did before?

The conversation in their head immediately shifts to ‘Why me?, I’ll never be like that. I don’t have the money those people do. They’re way more invested than I am.’ 

That has a name. It’s called negative self-talk and we are all guilty of it.

There are 4 different types of negative self-talk: filtering, personalizing, catastrophizing and polarizing.

So how do you stop this cycle?

One of the best books I’ve read is “The Four Agreements ” by Don Miguel Ruiz. He explains the first agreement as being the most powerful one and the most difficult to honor, “Be Impeccable with Your Word.”

Simple, yet so difficult to do.

Your word is the power you have to create. Through your word you manifest everything. Words can set you free or ensalve you. Being impeccable with your word is the correct use of your energy; it means to use your energy in the direction of truth and love for yourself.

We have learned to lie as a habit of communication with others and more importantly with ourselves.